this is not a good blog, but it's one I want to write right now, while it's quarter to three in the morning. There's this thing I'm aware of, that cancelling plans is really nice for social anxiety, because then there's something you don't have to do. I'm really introverted at the best of times, but right now I'm dreading interacting with anyone who isn't parents/em/clair. Which, that's good, because those are the four most important people, but it would be nice to get along with the rest of the world, but it's kind of not happening. I have plans with another friend tomorrow, but they mean going to his house, which I have never been to, and just going somewhere, and being somewhere, and I hate all of that so much, and canceling this plan would make my life so much better, but not really, because I would enjoy hanging out with him before he heads out of town. But it would cause me anxiety. It is causing me anxiety. fuck.